Dec 8, 2010

Confessions of a Single Girl–A Year’s Worth

As promised, one of my December goals was to do a summary post on the year that I have been single. It has been quite an eventful year…

The highlights: These moments I remember with a smile.
  • If a guy tells you to close your eyes because he wants to "see your eye shadow,” you can assume one of two things: a)he is gay or b)he is trying to kiss you. I actually fell for this. "Oh, sure! This is MAC Retrospeck highlighted with Tempting with a base of Bare Study...mmmmrrrrrrrrrrrr" WHAT just happened?
  • If a guy makes a bet with you where if you win he has to take you out to dinner, and if he wins he gets to take you on his boat, he is really just trying to hang out with you again. And when he lets you win...he really wins x 2 and you just feel like a dumb ass.
  • Being picked up by a date who drove his motorcycle. I drove. End of story. This whole situation still makes me giggle.
  • There was only one time where I was actually nervous about someone coming to pick me up. Thankfully, Boding came into my room holding a beer in one hand and Scope in the other. He demanded that I "Chug this, then swish with this." Best advice ever. I was halfway to buzzing on the way to the restaurant...No shame here.
  • The cutest thing was when I had a date come to my door with a Chick-fil-A diet lemonade. "Some girls get flowers -- you get Diet lemonade." So sweet! And then he turned out to be a little crazy.
  • Once I met a guy who told me he would know that I was perfect for him if on the count of three we named our same favorite place in Italy. Diana counted, and on 3, I said "Trevi Fountain" and he said "Fontana di Trevi." Same thing, different language. Of all the museums, restaurants, and historical spots in the country, we literally said the same thing. Still makes me smile.
  • On Valentines Day I got a box of 50 giant pixie sticks. Attached was a card that read "Eat in moderation, whale." He called me a whale! At least I got my candy.
  • While up at Clemson, I had a guy tell me me to remove my sunglasses. He told me my eyes were intoxicating. I actually replied, "Well that's because I'm extremely intoxicated." I handle compliments with such class.
The low lights: It’s not just we girls that are crazy.
  • I met an NYC banker who tried to convince me it was a good idea to let him fly me up to "review restaurants for my blog." Rather tempting, somewhat creepy. And I quote: "I didn't go grad school to start working in the financial district for nothing. I did it so I could afford to fly up girls like you to hang out with me." OOH my word. Kaye, if you want this guy's number, I still have it.
  • Just because you own your own wine distribution company and give me free bottles of wine does not mean I will go up to your hotel room with you after dinner. And no, I don't want that free breakfast in the morning or the massage at your hotel's spa. Gag.
  • I awoke from an adult sleepover to find that one guy's dog had eaten my brand new Jessica Simpson shoe. When I was driven back to my car, I was handed a blank check to go buy new shoes. Never have I ever left a guy's truck with a blank check in hand. Damn it, I'll sip.
The red lights: The following is a list of recommendations on what single men should not do.
  • Please do not text me multiple times if I haven't responded to your first text. I am either busy or not interested. Blowing me up only scares me away. Far, far away.
  • If you ask me to go to lunch and I tell you, "Oh, I'm actually on the way to Mozzo with a friend, but thanks!" -- DO NOT show up there. DO NOT! Callie, you’ll remember this.
  • If I am at the gym pumping iron and wearing headphones and don't remove them when you start talking to me, DO NOT keep talking. Go away please.
  • I DO NOT need to know your whereabouts at all times. I do, however, need to know what you're eating. Picture messages welcome.
  • DO NOT tell me you recognize me from my ex-boyfriend and how much fun you guys had in college. Sell yourself, not my ex!
  • If you have a girlfriend, I DO NOT want to go on a date with you. If you still live with your ex-girlfriend, I REALLY DO NOT want to go out with you.
  • If I've gone on ONE date with you, and you happen to run into me while out with a mixed-gender group of friends, it is NOT OKAY for you to suggest that the men in your group are rednecks. Especially when they are just drunk.
So yes, I’ve had my share of fun meeting new men, but I can honestly say I’ve had a million times more fun with my FRIENDS!


But the VERY best part of being single…being as weird as you want to be!
And for an equally entertaining post with more advice from my single friend Callie, see her blog!

57 comments:

  1. Sounds like you have have one heck of a year! My husband gave me a quiz the first time I talked to him...he asked me to pronounce O-I-L. For a southern girl, this is tricky...luckily, I said it right.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Love, love, love you! It really is hard to believe you haven't been carried away into the sunset, but I am so glad you are having such a blast with friends! Seriously, your future is so bright and now is the time to really live it up and go for what YOU want! You rock Xtina!:)

    PS- gah, guys can be so dense...some of the things they've said to you- BAHAHA! Get a clue, dudes!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I agree 100% with some of those!

    Especially the texting one- if I don't answer the first 5 or 6, please understand I won't answer the next 4 or 5.... thanks. And yes, if you're wondering, I'm also avoiding you on facebook chat.

    I wish they made a restraining order app.

    ReplyDelete
  4. This was great! Did someone really show up at your lunch?! Ahhhh! Love the photos of you and your friends :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. I love this list, it is cracking me up! I can't believe you had a guy show up to the restaurant you were at with friends. Creepy!

    It sounds like this year gave you a lot of funny moments to look back and laugh! :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Funny post! Guys are creepy, wow!
    At least you got some diet lemonade and pixie sticks:)

    ReplyDelete
  7. GREAT post...love your life lessons!

    ReplyDelete
  8. this all cracked me up!

    i once had a guy sit next to me in a crowded bar and get all in my face telling me what makes me smile b/c he wanted to make me smile. um...it would make me smile if you could get up, walk away, and get your gross hamster cage breath outta my face!

    ReplyDelete
  9. love this! Can't wait to hang out again soon after we get through with these stupid exams!

    ReplyDelete
  10. These are great. Too funny! Not that we really needed further evidence that men are just as crazy as women. ha

    ReplyDelete
  11. 6 months of blog creepin' and I just can't take it anymore... you are hilarious and this post is my FAVORITE! And you're right, friends = #1!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Hahaha oh my gosh, those are some crazy stories! I loved this post. Such good advice, and laughable memories. (Although I'm sure some of them weren't quite so funny at the time...) the blank check story is hilarious!!

    ReplyDelete
  13. this is hilarious. you have had some crazy stuff happen to you!

    ReplyDelete
  14. I LOVE IT! TOOO FUNNY!

    ReplyDelete
  15. These stories are great! I've got one to add to single men oddities..I recently went out for happy hour with a girlfriend and out of nowhere, random dude tapped me on the shoulder and said, "I can see by the ring that you're married-but if for some reason you find yourself not...I'll still be at this bar waiting-even 6 months from now."
    What?!?! No, I did not know this person.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Great list! Sounds like a fun year. You should be as weird as you want to be with your guy though :)

    ReplyDelete
  17. Hillarious! I love your response to the intoxicating eyes comment, very witty! You are too cute to be single, I am brainstorming if my hubby has any single friends here:) Loved this post!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Haha. You are hilarious. Intoxicating...if a guy ever told me that, I'd probably retort in the same way, whether I was intoxicated or not :)

    Truly though, friends can never be replaced by guys. Never!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Yes! I've been looking forward to this post and it did not disappoint. What a year!

    ReplyDelete
  20. THAT many funny, crazy and awesome experiences one year? Amazing. You are one in-demand lady!!
    I loved being single because you get the best stories during that time in life! Luckily I found someone that loves me when I'm weird... and he's just as weird too :)
    Keep the fun stories coming!

    ReplyDelete
  21. I just love this post. and your amazingly crazy single year!

    ReplyDelete
  22. This is too funny! Sometimes guys have no filter and it's, well, quite scary actually. Cute pictures too -Jenny Price and I competed in pageants together!

    ReplyDelete
  23. i love love love this post!! you wrote very well and the stories are unbeatable! Looks like 2010 has been a great year!

    ReplyDelete
  24. What good reflections! With just these little tidbits, I can only imagine how crazy your actual year was!

    ReplyDelete
  25. You've sure had some really interesting experiences! That motorcycle one made me laugh. :P Oh..and that texting over and over...and over thing is SO %$#)@!) annoying!! Honestly, how can they not get the picture if you don't reply to their last 15 texts? Some guys are just clueless.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Shut the front door! This is genius. Followed by, do these dudes know you have this site? Awesome!

    The intoxicating eyes; gym with headphones run-in; motorcycle man were my top faves.

    I got to give you credit for being amazing and giving everything the good old college try. Love those pics.

    You should have cashed in that check;)

    ReplyDelete
  27. I'm going on a date tonight. If he does anything stupid I'll be sure to let you know!

    ReplyDelete
  28. Hahahha the eyeshadow one is priceless. Is it bad that I still pretend to me single to get free drinks sometimes? And that my boyfriend encourages it?

    ReplyDelete
  29. I seriously <3 every single thing on that list. Who gives someone pixi sticks and then calls them a whale? Weird inside joke that NO one understands?

    ReplyDelete
  30. So funny, I love how you react to guys. You rock!

    ReplyDelete
  31. Lols. The single life is truly entertaining. Ups and downs, I am enjoying it right now. All my friends who are settled down don't have these outrageous stories to tell. I might have to email you a few of my own adventures if I get around to compiling them!

    ReplyDelete
  32. omg I LOVE this post! It makes me miss being single a little bit! :D

    ReplyDelete
  33. It's good to know there's other single girls out there--I swear, all my friends are now engaged and we are only 20! I wanna explore and find someone really worth it--thanks for this post. It made my night! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  34. Hahaha, this is a fabulous post! Definitely had be giggling out loud. :-P
    P.S. - I LOVE the picture of you in the orange shirt. Probably sounds weird, sorry. But it's gorgeous! :-D

    ReplyDelete
  35. EPIC post! I love the term "adult sleepover"

    ReplyDelete
  36. I am so glad I stumbled upon your blog! I am a single and fabulous 20-something too who loves to eat! And hey, all the creepers us single gals meet make pretty great blogging material :)

    ReplyDelete
  37. Thanks for the laugh! What a great outlook you have!

    And can I just say that's why best girlfriends were created?

    ReplyDelete
  38. great blog! come check out mine :)
    i loveee your blue kimono dress as well!
    jenna

    ReplyDelete
  39. Haha!!! Fun post! And I fell for the "can I see your eyelashes" trick.

    ReplyDelete
  40. so glad i was the friend in question at mozzo...ohhh man, that was creepy! love this, love that we cross-blogged, love you, and can't wait to see you this weekend! xo!

    ReplyDelete
  41. Guys are ridiculous. I do love the pixie stix present, though. I'd get called a whale for free candy.

    ReplyDelete
  42. I love this post girl!! You freaking crack me up and I enjoyed every line here and chuckled my way through :)

    xxoo

    ReplyDelete
  43. haha...love this post. especially laughed about the beer and scope. genius. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  44. i am SERIOUSLY in love with you and SERIOUSLY want you to date my brother

    ReplyDelete
  45. you make me laugh. i love it. we'd be great friends, i'm sure of it. i mean, i already think we are on so many levels. haha.

    i'm wishy washy on being single. it has its perks-but i think being in a relationship has bigger perks. sadly, single is where i remain.

    ehh...my fave out of all this? he called you a whale?? was he trying to be cute? like an endearing nickname?? hahaha.

    ReplyDelete
  46. You had me cracking up! Ah yes, the jerkness that is some guys. I think a large percentage of them sit in my Chemistry class. Despite that, you really appreciate the good ones when when come along. <3

    ReplyDelete
  47. Haha Oh, Christina, what would I do without a dose or two or three of your witticisms each week?! This list is hilarious! I just shared it with my roommates and we were cracking up.

    I've had my fair share of man-adventures this year as well. I commiserate...And applaud your tact and charm. Go get 'em girl! Whoever you end up with will be one lucky man!

    ReplyDelete
  48. Love this!!!! You had a very interesting year!!!!

    Jen
    http://jenslosinit.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  49. omg this is so cute! LOVE this list of things! Oh I could sit and make a single girls guide list from my past, so many interesting men I have crossed paths with! lol! Love you girl! I missed ya to pieces and so glad Im blogging a little more and in touch again with you! xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  50. This is the best blog post of all time!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  51. 1. I adore that blue dress

    2. Even though I'm happily married and wouldn't trade that for anything, I still miss those days of being single and all the bonding time I got to have with my girl friends ANd getting hit on. Even when you're married...it's a nice ego boost! I miss out on that now and even though I always try to dress cute...I defintely dressed a lot cuter/sexier when I was single. Looks like you are totally embracing the single life and I love it!!

    ReplyDelete
  52. I absolutely positively LOVE this. LOL!

    ReplyDelete
  53. Such a great post! I love your honesty and humor, it's nice to know there are other single girls out there dealing with some crazy guys (and of course some great guys) too!

    ReplyDelete
  54. Hey I just started reading and I have to say this post is nmaking me want to keep reading! Single girls have more fun lol ;)!

    ReplyDelete
  55. Oh lord, these gave me a laugh! You've had the craziest experiences!!

    ReplyDelete