As promised, one of my December goals was to do a summary post on the year that I have been single. It has been quite an eventful year…
The highlights: These moments I remember with a smile.
- If a guy tells you to close your eyes because he wants to "see your eye shadow,” you can assume one of two things: a)he is gay or b)he is trying to kiss you. I actually fell for this. "Oh, sure! This is MAC Retrospeck highlighted with Tempting with a base of Bare Study...mmmmrrrrrrrrrrrr" WHAT just happened?
- If a guy makes a bet with you where if you win he has to take you out to dinner, and if he wins he gets to take you on his boat, he is really just trying to hang out with you again. And when he lets you win...he really wins x 2 and you just feel like a dumb ass.
- Being picked up by a date who drove his motorcycle. I drove. End of story. This whole situation still makes me giggle.
- There was only one time where I was actually nervous about someone coming to pick me up. Thankfully, Boding came into my room holding a beer in one hand and Scope in the other. He demanded that I "Chug this, then swish with this." Best advice ever. I was halfway to buzzing on the way to the restaurant...No shame here.
- The cutest thing was when I had a date come to my door with a Chick-fil-A diet lemonade. "Some girls get flowers -- you get Diet lemonade." So sweet! And then he turned out to be a little crazy.
- Once I met a guy who told me he would know that I was perfect for him if on the count of three we named our same favorite place in Italy. Diana counted, and on 3, I said "Trevi Fountain" and he said "Fontana di Trevi." Same thing, different language. Of all the museums, restaurants, and historical spots in the country, we literally said the same thing. Still makes me smile.
- On Valentines Day I got a box of 50 giant pixie sticks. Attached was a card that read "Eat in moderation, whale." He called me a whale! At least I got my candy.
- While up at Clemson, I had a guy tell me me to remove my sunglasses. He told me my eyes were intoxicating. I actually replied, "Well that's because I'm extremely intoxicated." I handle compliments with such class.
The low lights: It’s not just we girls that are crazy.
- I met an NYC banker who tried to convince me it was a good idea to let him fly me up to "review restaurants for my blog." Rather tempting, somewhat creepy. And I quote: "I didn't go grad school to start working in the financial district for nothing. I did it so I could afford to fly up girls like you to hang out with me." OOH my word. Kaye, if you want this guy's number, I still have it.
- Just because you own your own wine distribution company and give me free bottles of wine does not mean I will go up to your hotel room with you after dinner. And no, I don't want that free breakfast in the morning or the massage at your hotel's spa. Gag.
- I awoke from an adult sleepover to find that one guy's dog had eaten my brand new Jessica Simpson shoe. When I was driven back to my car, I was handed a blank check to go buy new shoes. Never have I ever left a guy's truck with a blank check in hand. Damn it, I'll sip.
The red lights: The following is a list of recommendations on what single men should not do.
- Please do not text me multiple times if I haven't responded to your first text. I am either busy or not interested. Blowing me up only scares me away. Far, far away.
- If you ask me to go to lunch and I tell you, "Oh, I'm actually on the way to Mozzo with a friend, but thanks!" -- DO NOT show up there. DO NOT! Callie, you’ll remember this.
- If I am at the gym pumping iron and wearing headphones and don't remove them when you start talking to me, DO NOT keep talking. Go away please.
- I DO NOT need to know your whereabouts at all times. I do, however, need to know what you're eating. Picture messages welcome.
- DO NOT tell me you recognize me from my ex-boyfriend and how much fun you guys had in college. Sell yourself, not my ex!
- If you have a girlfriend, I DO NOT want to go on a date with you. If you still live with your ex-girlfriend, I REALLY DO NOT want to go out with you.
- If I've gone on ONE date with you, and you happen to run into me while out with a mixed-gender group of friends, it is NOT OKAY for you to suggest that the men in your group are rednecks. Especially when they are just drunk.
So yes, I’ve had my share of fun meeting new men, but I can honestly say I’ve had a million times more fun with my FRIENDS!
But the VERY best part of being single…being as weird as you want to be!
And for an equally entertaining post with more advice from my single friend Callie, see her blog!
