What Has Become of My Sweat Shop?

Disney World. Rome.

Central Park.Football stadiums.The mall on Christmas Eve.Walmart.My gym.

What do all these places have in common? They are overcrowded with smelly people. As of today, the first Monday of 2011, Eco Fitness has become crazytown! Upon arriving, I noticed several warning signs.

1. There was a line to turn into the parking lot. That doesn’t happen.
2. There were cars parked in unmarked spots. That’s illegal.
3. There was a line to swipe my card. I almost booked it past the desk but chickened out.

I spotted my friend Joey and immediately marched over to him in a panic. “WHO ARE ALL OF THESE PEOPLE? WHERE DID THEY COME FROM?” Every single person in Mt. Pleasant that made a fitness-related resolution must have decided to join Eco. I am happy that they made the decision to incorporate exercise into their lives, but hot damn, I need some air! I even had to get feisty with one guy for mirror space. And let’s talk about pregnant ladies – there were like 5! I agree that you should remain active while baking your baby, but I secretly wanted them to go home and eat a pickle. Ok, enough being mean. At least when I set off for tomorrow’s fat blast sesh I will be prepared for the masses. I’m just hoping there’s a surplus of babes.

I’ve also been meaning to share with you all another very interesting gym experience. On one of my days off last month, I made a last minute decision to go to Spin class. The instructor, who was wearing her visor backwards and upside-down, informed us that she was a substitute. No biggie, right? Wrong. After nearly 15 minutes of not being able to get her ipod connected with the projector screen, the videos finally started.

Music video #1: Get the Party Started by Pink. Sure, whatever.

Music video #2: The Dreidel Song by some Jewish rapper. Sub lady informed us that she “has to listen to her Jews” while she spins. Okay, I’m all about some holiday music (sometimes even Jewish) but how do you expect me to SPIN to the dreidel song?!

Music video #3: Santa Baby, by some woman who looked like she was about to take her clothes off. In the middle of the video, the instructor said, “Meowwww!” I almost peed my shorts.

Music video #4: Glitter in the Air, by Pink. This song was fine, but it was Pink’s MTV awards performance in which she wears a sparkly, nude bodysuit and gets drenched in rain.

Music video #5: Another holiday song by the Jewish rapper. This video contained images from the Holocaust. Am I in spin class or history class? This was slightly disturbing.

Music video #6: Piano Man, by Billy Joel. This was the most normal song, and thankfully the last.

Needless to say, it was a bizarre 55 minutes. Our instructor was a nice lady, but her music selection was just a bit off. Spinning to images of half-naked ladies and/or dead bodies really isn’t my thing.

Question 1: Has your gym been a mad house since the beginning of 2011? When do you predict these resolutions will come to a halt?

Question 2: Have you ever had an odd or disturbing gym experience? Share!

Question 3: For my ladies who have been pregnant, did you crave pickles?

I’m now in the mood for a pickle.

The answer is no.