Nah, no real eggs in this post, but it will be all scrambled and definitely full of spice. Last night I went to my second yoga class with my friend Natalie. This particular class was called "Hot Vinyasa Flow." I'm not really in the mood to write in paragraph form today, so let's discuss this class using a list.
My thoughts:
1. They're not kidding when they say hot. Walking in was like crossing the border over into Mexico and leaving was like stepping into an Arctic so cold that I may have hallucinated a penguin.
2. I made the mistake of placing my mat by a man again. Last time a man sat next to me and sweated half his life out. Last night's man made it a point to tell me, "We might be touching a lot." Wait, what? Did I sign up for foreplay 101? NO. Stay in your rectangle, please!! Random people touching me is my worst nightmare! Please think of me like a pretty fish aquarium, stare all you want but do not poke!
3. The music was pretty, but slow. If I was a pot smoker, I definitely would have called Lil Wayne and asked him to join me for a sesh.
4. Two of the guys in the class wore board shorts. I've seen this in the gym too. Like, what are you thinking dudes? I know it's hot as heck in this gym, but there is no sand or waves -- we are not at the beach!!
5. I am 100% sure that I could have bounced a quarter off the instructor's behind.
6.When the class got really quiet, I could hear Britney Spears playing in the main gym. I shed a tear. Then I heard men's voices. I shed 50 tears.
7. The class was an hour and fifteen minutes. My a.d.d. doesn't like anything over an hour.
8. I have never seen my body so covered in sparkly sweat. Yeah, my sweat sparkles!
9. How on earth do people do headstands? Isn't that like asking to break your own neck? The one position I felt comfortable in was a back bend, because I did gymnastics growing up. One girl went from a back bend back into a headstand. Who is she!?
10. How many times can you do a downward dog? So inapprope.
So, I have mixed feelings about yoga. Like I said before, I'd do it again, but I don't love it. I'm energetic and have trouble keeping quiet, so I need something not so....peaceful? Next Tuesday I'm cheating on my gym and going to East Shore for Erica's Body Attack class. I checked out LesMills.com and here is why I know I'm in for some fun:
1. Erica is the instructor. I have much love for her. By some mathematical property, I will love the class.
2. The description: "BODYATTACK™ is a 55-minute sports-inspired cardio workout that’s all about improving your speed, fitness, strength and agility." I spy the word 55-minute. I'm smiling.
3. Songs on the tracklist include: "Sexy Chick" and "I Know You Want Me." Confidence boost? I think so.
4. The class is called Body Attack. I love attacking (a man's) body.
So exciting! I can't wait to let you all know how it goes and will hopefully snap some hot before and after pics. Or should I say super cool before and insanely hot after pics?
In other news, I'd like to share a slew of photos that I have taken on my phone. The older I get, the more I realize that I am a weird person and really strange things seems to appear in front of me all the time. How about another list?
1. I only know how to wear highlighter colors to the gym:
2. These people dress worse than me:
3. I make normal things inappropriate at the grocery store:
4. I like putting my clothing on dogs.
Happy Wednesday to my beautiful readers!!
My birthday is in 7 days!
