Aug 11, 2010

From Baby Back Ribs to Baby Muscles

There was a time in my life where I thought it was so great to be skinny. Not average, not muscular, not healthy, not fit -- just skinny. After a significant weight loss over about a year and a half, I was just happy with being skinny. From 2004-2005 I lost 45 pounds. Yes, the little nugget you see pictured to your left used to be bigger. Over the course of that year, I lost 30% of my weight. It was a slow process with a lot of factors. 

As a senior in high school, my best friend Nancy and I thought it was funny that we shared the same size clothes and even weighed the same. What wasn't funny is that she was 5'9 and I was 5'2. I never thought I was overweight. I didn't think anything of my clothing size increasing every year because, hey, it always had growing up...except I wasn't growing any taller. 

My freshman and sophomore years of college were very difficult. There were a lot of changes that I didn't adapt well to: moving into the dorms, being surrounded by unhealthy eating, and parents going through a divorce. I was put on an anti-depressant, eating fast-food regularly, started a birth control that made me blow up, and walking a block to class was my form of exercise. My parents drove me to crazytown and I started having panic attacks. Then the unintended weight loss began. 

In the Spring of 2004, I read that caffeine can increase anxiety, so in an attempt to minimize it, I gave up soda and coffee completely. And I wasn't drinking skinny lattes or diet cokes - more like full-sugar cokes and frappuccinos on the regular. This was an immediate 10 pound weight loss. 

In the same year, I took myself off anti-depressants. It was my mom's idea that I needed them and since I was all about rebelling against her in college, I said screw it. I also made the switch from the depo-provera shot to BC pills. There went another 10-15 pounds.

The last unintentional part of the weight loss journey was moving out of the dorms. I'm not even kidding when I say that my first bf (Hi Chris!) and I ate out almost every day that we were together. Big decisions for us meant Chinese food or Burger King. I was a pretty gross eater too - I ate just as much as he did and even dipped my french fries in mayo...When I moved out of the dorms I started cooking for myself and I rarely went out to eat. Bam went another 10 pounds.

I was excited about the weight loss, and started exercising to lose another 10 pounds...but not to get fit - to get skinnier. I was working out a lot and gave up a lot of foods: soda, coffee, juice, pork, red meat, fried food. Those foods became fear foods, and anything labeled fat-free, low-calorie, low-carb or lower-sugar was safe to me. For a short while I became slightly obsessive about what I ate to the point where I was no longer enjoying myself. I never got to a point where I was dangerously skinny, but looking back I realize that I was too thin (for me) and too deprived. That to me meant unhappy and unhealthy.

My previous post on finding a balance was such a huge step for me in that I sometimes still have a hard time eating those "fear foods" and being okay with it. Judging from the responses I received on that post, I felt it was safe to discuss my past and show that I'm not just some skinny girl who's able to chow down burgers whenever I want. I have now learned to eat what I want because I do it in moderation with exercise.

And now I'm all about the baby muscles. To me, skinny no longer represents happy or healthy. Regular exercise, being comfortable with what you eat, and maintaining that balance = happy and healthy. I started training with Julius this year and have learned to love the muscles. I was so petrified that I'd "bulk up" before but I realized it's not going to happen. Just the other day, Katie started her muscle movement. She has written two posts featuring several bloggers (including me!) who are proud of their new muscles. Katie has had quite the journey herself and I am so proud of how far she's come. I think it's so important that we focus on being healthy and happy and encourage each other to embrace those baby muscles and continue our exercising! 

Muscles are the best. They make you better-defined, fierce, and you don't have to ask boys for help with opening pickle jars. Everyone should get some! Plus, muscles usually require exercising in the man-zone of the gym....yes, please. 

So, what stage in healthy living are you in? Have you lost some weight or gained some muscle? Found a new exercise you love or completed your first race? My current goal is to be able to do a pull-up. One pull-up. I can't do it without jumping and I want to be able to just do it. Julius told me that the average woman can't do one, but I'm on a mission now!!

Hope everyone has a wonderful Wednesday!


***My weight loss is not typical was due to several factors. Please do not use the amounts lost per each factor as a guide to your own weight loss. Remember that every body is unique and bodies react differently to each of the factors that contributed to my weight loss. :)

55 comments:

  1. So cool that you lost all the weight in a healthy way. Small changes in habits can really have a major impact on weight. And a healthy balance is totally key (I couldn't give up salsa and chips and french fries all together!).

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  2. I've been trying to eat healthier recently and I can see the results of my efforts. I have lost about 7 lbs. I allow myself to eat a cheeseburger or have a few glasses of wine every once in a while. That way I don't hold out for so long that I finally give in and go overboard!
    Congrats on getting fit and working those muscles! you look great!

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  3. "I want traps"
    "Oh no you don't"
    Hahaha

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  4. Congrats on your healthy living journey. :)

    I'm currently in maintenance mode right now and have been for the last year. Its hard work, I tell you. Much harder than losing the weight, which you would never think. I'm still working on toning and gaining some muscle (to become a stronger runner) but I have a hard time sticking with strength training programs! Blah!

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  5. Great post. I'm all about finding the balance (and finding my muscles along the way hehe). I admit I still struggle every now and then but I'm very happy to be in a good place in terms of my health. I also focus on being healthy AND happy. Cheers!

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  6. I think college is a rough patch for all of us when it comes to healthy decisions. The bf and I cooked- but not well. Late night pizza was a weekly thing at the least... I had an obsession with ranch dressing... the list goes on.

    I'm with you- I'm past the stage of just wanting to be skinny to wanting to feel healthy. I still am concerned about sizes from time to time- but try not to obsess. Some days are harder than others, but it's a journey, right?

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  7. Great post, lady. You're stunning.

    I've lost my weight (200lbs) and now I'm working on strength training and maintaining my current weight while still drinking lots of vino. ;)

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  8. Girlfriend, what a wonderful and honest blog! By looking at you in your pictures I would NEVER have guessed you spent a single day of your life overweight. You live a well-balanced, HEALTHY lifestyle and that is awesome how far you have come in relation to your food and the feelings about them:)

    Since you asked about our experience with weight/muscle, here's my response: I got married in April 2009 and thought I looked pretty dang good, but 7 months later by Christmas I had gained 20 lbs. NOT KIDDING! I'm only 5'1 (and a half!!!) and ballooned up so hugely I hardly have pictures of our first year of marriage:( I guess I just "forgot" that I wasn't on Honeymoon anymore and ate like I was celebrating every day OOPS! My husband makes me feel SO BEAUTIFUL at any weight, but I wasn't happy in my own skin, especially gaining weight so FAST, simply because I became Mrs. Pac Man, eating everything in sight! I swear I looked like Mrs. SpongeBob Squarepants YIKES!

    In May 2010 I started Body-for-Life and dropped 10 lbs in 3months. That doesn't SOUND like a lot, but I lost body fat and tons of inches, including dropping from a 10 to a loose 6. My metabolism fired up and I am now the incredibly shrinking woman! that was even WITH the cheat day you get once a week, where you betta believe I splurged:)

    I hope to be 115-118 by November for bikini competition and then from there stay within a 5 lb radius and NEVER let myself get that huge again...well, aside from pregnancy, but I'm going to have a FIT pregnancy, you betta believe it! :)

    The end.

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  9. I love this post! Great story and I appreciate your honesty. As for me, I am finally happy with me. I have really worked on the positive aspects of where I am at and how I have gotten here. I was never really over weight, I was just at the high side of where I should be. My grandfather did not help by calling me "fat cow #2" (my mom was number 1. We are women with thighs, hips and curves. Lucky for me, my husband likes that! I got really sick about 8 years ago and lost a scary amount of weight. Through surgeries (2 in a matter or 3 years), I finally feel strong and healthy. I am in control of me and I love it. I don't look like I did years ago and the curves are not as big any more, but I feel good and that is all that matters!

    Thanks for sharing Christina!

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  10. I LOVE this post!! I went through something very similiar- thinking skinny was the thing to be and not paying attention to my actual health. Now I see girls in the gym day in and day out on the cardio machines, either never having any progress or being wayyy too thin. I'm glad to not be one of those girls anymore, to have my curves, and to have muscles!

    Muscles are beautiful, too- as long as they're not bulging. But like you said, that's not possible for girls unless steroids are involved. Anyway, they mean health and strength..nothing's more important.

    Thanks for sharing your story and I'm glad you've fallen in love with muscles!

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  11. Ah, I love this post! My goal is to do one freakin' pull-up too! It's hard. I'm working at it, but still... it may take some time. ;)

    I feel (and I'm sure others too) that our stories are the same. I lose 50 lbs after my freshmen yr of high school. I cut out all unhealthy foods and most healthy ones and exercised a lot. Looking back, I can't believe what I did to my body- ultimately resulting in WAY too much weight loss. Lessons are learned for most, and I am happy to say I am now loving my body for what it can accomplish, not what it can't or how skinny it is. I'm healthy and eat avocados, olive oil, etc, which used to be forbidden.

    Anyway, without rambling too much, I am lovin' my tiny (but growing) muscles too. Healthy really is SO much better than being "skinny" or whatever our minds think skinny is. ;)

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  12. I'm in your stage of life. I eat those "fear foods" now and quite often, but sometimes they can still scare me if you know what I mean.

    I also love some muscle--it gives shape to your body and makes me feel healthy.

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  13. Great post! Thank you for being so open, honest and fearless in your writing.
    I relate to a lot of what you went through in college. I lost a ton of weight to please a guy once and now I just exercise to stay fit and keep ME happy.

    GREAT POST!

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  14. Awesome post- thank you for sharing!! I'm not a fan of strength training, but I've been incorportating it more and more because I know how good it is for me. You're so brave to share this!

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  15. Your story is amazing babe and I'm so inspired that you had the courage to share it. I would have never pictured you any other way than beautiful - cause I'm sure you always have been, no matter what the size :)

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  16. Wow, I would have never guessed that. Very motivating Christina. I have lost around 12 lbs recently, but I am trying to get some more off. Zumba and spinning are my fav ways to exercise right now.

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  17. I really loved this post! You have a great attitude about living a healthy life and I can relate to your story. My freshman year of college resulted in a huge weight gain, and by senior year of college I had lost 30 pounds in healthy way, eating clean and working out daily, and felt great. Since that time I have put on a bit of that weight and feel at an "in between" stage- eating very healthy most of the time, letting myself indulge, but still struggling to lose that last bit of weight...Reading posts like this helps me, though! Thanks for sharing.

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  18. Thanks for sharing your story!! I originally starting eating healthier and working out to be skinny too but now I love being toned and having some muscle!

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  19. WOW! im amazed to read all this about your personal struggles! definitely makes me love you more!! i definitely know so many of us can relate to using exercise and the instant weight loss of diets as a motivator versus true health. and when i was tirst trying to gain muscle back it was all about staying fit and boosting my metabolism. over time i realized how it was more about self confidence and building more self pride. having muscle and being fit is much more beautiful than looking svelte and a skinny minny. i think you are GORGEOUS!!

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  20. This is an awesome post and I think it's great how honest you were about your struggles. I've definitely started to gain some baby muscles and am loving it. It's nice to feel and looked toned. Plus I like trying to compete with the boy in gun shows (my abs always win).

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  21. rock it :) good job and I hope you find continued success!! :)

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  22. Great post girl! It was great to read this because I can totally relate to a lot of it. I lost my first bit of weight healthily, but towards the end I got really obsessive about being skinny. Even though I've relaxed so much about what I eat, I think there's always that underlying fear of gaining all that weight back. Logically, I know that won't really happen though. :P So now I'm just trying to focus on being healthy, not on being skinny.

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  23. Wow Christina! You would have never guessed by reading your blog or meeting you in person that you ever struggled with weight. You are absolutely beautiful and are a great example of healthy! Thank you for sharing with the world.

    Maybe one day I'll be able to share mine....maybe.

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  24. Beautifully honest post! And yay for muscles! I think that weight training is my hands down favorite form of exercise. Being strong is the best motivator!

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  25. What a fantastic story of finding self-worth and respect for your body. Truly an amazing and diffcult struggle for many woman.

    I love muscles too - I'm a Sports Dietitian so I completely agree that it's all about moderation, not depriving yourself, exercise, toning, and eating right to fuel your body! It's both inner strength and outer stregth: of the mind and body.

    Once you get that synergy - you feel like a million bucks!

    Wonderful post!

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  26. GREAT POST. I'm in the same stage as you. I want muscle. I'm naturally small boned and have a good metabolism. I did gain about 15 pounds AFTER college. weird right? no freshman 15 for me, just he post grad 15. I lost the poundage by workingout and eating healthier and recieved a lot of "you're so skinny" comments after the extra 15 was gone! I think it's evened out now. I'm exersizing to stay fit, not to loose weight!

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  27. AWW I love your story! I am so happy that you feel like you can share it, be proud of it! Well I struggled with the same issues but for different reasons. I lost an instant 12 pounds after high school (just from like of constant working out, cheerleading and cutting out fast food) I then found myself obsessed with it. Every little pound meant something, I found myself depriving myself of the things I love. I then started cheering in College and things really started going downhill. But I got the courage to tell my mom that I had a problem and taking me out of the situation was without a doubt the best solution. Am I cured of my insecurities? ABSOLUTELY NOT! do I still second guess that cheeseburger or juicy steak, yes. But I now workout regularly and feel such a difference in my body. It feels as though I can literally eat what ever I want and its not going to make me gain weight!

    Well enough of that :) love the post! I work in a gymnastics gym and today I am going to try a pull-up! i'll let you know how it goes ;)

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  28. I love your honesty! It's so much better to read some substance that I can related to as opposed to general rambles, which I am very guilty of...

    Great Post! I agree balance is key! (pardon the rhyme)

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  29. First - I love your disclaimer.

    2nd - I had no idea about your journey. Your tough girl and wise!

    How do you feel about being so open on your blog about your previous self &/or food issues? Does your family/friends know?...I always worry - because I know my issues are screwed up...and I don't want to seem like a total screw-up or nuttzo...;)...know what I mean?

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  30. Christina - thank you for sharing your story. I'm so proud of your accomplishment! I too love my mini muscles! Once I realized I wasn't going to 'bulk up', I hit the weights. One of my favorite workouts is pilates - it's always challenging (my trainer does intense pilates) and it's been a great way for me to tone my whole body.

    Recently, I've felt unhealthy and unhappy with what I was eating, so I decided to detox this week to jump start my healthy eating and regular workout routine again. Being in shape makes me feel more confident about myself. And I think that's what it's all about.

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  31. Such a great example that simple changes can make all the difference!

    Right now is the first time in a long time that food has been fun for me. I know I can have a bit of cheese or chocolate and not all is lost. I also know that eating pure and healthy is what really makes me feel best.

    You are so right to say it's all about balance!

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  32. What a beautiful story, thank you so much for sharing. Wow, you've come so far so fast. I hope everyone has as good of a journey.

    I love my muscles, the first time I saw one I squealed. Women don't have the genetics to get big, sweet! And it helps burn more calories when you're not moving around.

    I am still trying to find the perfect balance, but prayer and great friends are helping.

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  33. :)

    for SO long I had the misconception that doing strength training + weights meant BIG muscles... I even TAUGHT a lifting class for special olympics, and would rarely lift with them...

    I am so glad to know the meaning of SCULPTED, which is far from the bulky I used to fear!! :)

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  34. Oh girlll I relate. I played soccer at Penn State but not being a starter as a freshman landed me about 15 pounds overweight. I finally moved out of the dorms, started playing and lost the extra chub. I felt so much better than I started changing things the same way you did, lost wayy to much weight, especially for someone who was an athlete, and was miserable. Then I gained a little too much back when I turned 21. You do the math. Finally, finally I think I'm there with enjoying my food, enjoying my workouts and living life without counting. How exhausting is that? I still get psycho every now and again but it's all part of the process I guess. Glad to see we've both found our balance. I'm gonna go make some goodies now. Bye love!

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  35. I started working out to be skinny, too. But then something funny happened. People would say to me, "You've gotten so skinny", or, "Look at how small you are". That annoyed me because without realizing it, I no longer wanted to be called skinny. I want(ed) to be called fit, strong, healthy. I want(ed) to tell these people that I work darn hard for my figure so don't minimize that with skinny talk. I don't have "big" muscles, but I'm getting there and I already love the ones I see!

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  36. WOW girl this post is freaking awesome. thank you for being SO HONEST. Amen to that- I worked out to get skinny too. I got a lot chunkier my freshman year in highschool from eating SO crappy during cheerleading, and then I freaked out and cut so many things out of my diet, lost WAY too much weight, and looking back on it, how did i EVER think I looked good? I have absolutely NO desire to look like that again. Nobody finds it attractive either. MUSCLES ARE HOT!! And I dont think people have to be RIPPED to look good either, being healthy and taking care of yourself is the most attractive thing. Anyway thank you for sharing this- balance is SO hard to get, but once you got it, it is SUCH a blessing <3

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  37. again, i want to tell you i'm proud of you for sharing this story. i knew that (given your VAST readership!) you'd have the opportunity to reach lots of women who have struggled/are currently struggling with similar issues, and it was brave of you to share what you went through. love you! xoxoxo.

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  38. Thanks for sharing your story. It's amazing how many of us have gone through various stages in our lives with how we feel about our bodies.

    I'm at a point where I feel fit and healthy and happy.

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  39. What a great post! I loved reading about your story. I was a gymnast growing so I've always been really strong with giant muscles. Once I got out of high school and lived the unhealthy college life I gained about 15-20 lbs. I still wasn't overweight because I was really small growing up, but my weight gain was showing mainly in my face and I really didn't like the way I looked anymore.

    Since graduating I've been much healtier and started working out again about 5 times a week. I definitely feel better and I feel more attractive which in turn makes me feel more confident! I absolutely love muscles. The women that I feel are the most attractive are toned and muscular woman. I also used to feel like being skinny was all that mattered... but now I know better!

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  40. Wow Christina, I really enjoyed reading about your weight loss journey, and I agree, cutting out soda and all those sugar filled drinks makes a huge difference for sure! After I had Anthony, I cut out all those drinks and I felt so much better and feel it helped lose my baby weight too , besides just having a high metabolism, running around like crazy caring for a baby , and being only 17! I really feel these past two years I am at my healthiest as well! I enjoy the foods I love, which is healthy and organic foods usually all during the week, unless special occasion or dinner out, but I usually have different foods on the weekend, like icecream or cookies, or tempura sushi rolls! I just live a balanced lifestyle, its all about balance and not depriving yourself!

    Love you to pieces! Glad my post and pics made your day! Mike is a hunk!, I wish he had a damn brother for you! Love you! xoxo

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  41. This is such an inspirational story. You lost weight the right way. Slow and steady. You must feel so great. Thanks for sharing!

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  42. Thank you SO much for sharing this Christina!! Isn't it ironic how food fears often come as a result of just trying to be health conscious? I'm currently getting over fear foods and starting to weight train rather than just kill myself with cardio. I love it! YAY for muscles! And you get that one pull up girl :)

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  43. This is a great, reassuring post. It's so nice to know others out there have fear foods they're working on overcoming. I'm so impressed with your outlook and dedication!

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  44. I'm really loving your posts recently, Christina. They're so honest and real, and inspiring. I lost almost half my body weight....when I didn't even need to lose. So I got to a really, really emaciated state. But I've gained back at least 35 lbs, and I'm still in the process of gaining some of the much needed lbs back. So I'm in a different stage...but I share your healthy perspective and positive attitude! :-)

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  45. Wonderful post, Christina! Thanks so much for opening your heart and sharing your story. I have a number of food fears that I'm working on overcoming...It's all about taking small steps forward so that taking on those challenges isn't too overwhelming. But the best part of the process is that I know there are so many women (like you!) that are seeking to be their healthiest self, just like I am! Reading stories like this inspires me to continue pursuing HEALTH not THIN.

    Yay for your pull-up goal! You CAN do it!

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  46. This is a really meaningful post, and 100& relatable.

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  47. Great post, friend! Great post, indeed. Love it, love you, love the blog. Keep it up.

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  48. I think most of us, when we are younger, look at those magazine models and think we should look like that. But you're right, skinny isn't healthy. What's healthy is feeling good about your self and knowing that you're eating a balanced diet filled with a variety of foods to provide all essential nutrients.

    Muscles building is so important for bone health as well. Women can't naturally get bulky so no fear there. I would love to be a bit bulkier but my muscles are long..not a chance! :(

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  49. What an inspiring post! I am a pretty healthy person overall. I actually just finished my MS in nutrition and am starting my dietetic internship next week! While I'm good at cardio, I really need to get into more weight training and stretching though!

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  50. A) I love the title of this post
    B) I love how you outlined everything with doing this and how much weight loss it resulted in
    C) I don't believe you were overweight. You just look like a naturally skinny girl to me.
    D)I still have weight to lose.....ummmm lots of it. If I could lose another 40 lbs I would be happy.

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  51. Great post! I've been gaining muscle lately. I'm not so much into the weight as I am the inches. Would love to lose some inches but they just aren't budging right now

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  52. I love muscles as well. Not the body building style but a well defined body with a relatively low fat percentage.

    Right now I do mostly yoga and some free weights

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  53. great post! i totally wished we (like society) valued muscles and strength over being a size zero. i always drool over those chicks on so you think you can dance: THEY should be our ideal bodies! they kick arse!

    good luck on that pull up, you can do it!! :)

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  54. Oh, college. I had a very similar love/hate relationship with food growing up. Glad thats over with. I LOVE muscles. The happy, healthy, defined, toned muscles. Skinny isn't beautiful, healthy is beautiful. Love this post :)

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