There was a time in my life where I thought it was so great to be skinny. Not average, not muscular, not healthy, not fit -- just skinny. After a significant weight loss over about a year and a half, I was just happy with being skinny. From 2004-2005 I lost 45 pounds. Yes, the little nugget you see pictured to your left used to be bigger. Over the course of that year, I lost 30% of my weight. It was a slow process with a lot of factors.
As a senior in high school, my best friend Nancy and I thought it was funny that we shared the same size clothes and even weighed the same. What wasn't funny is that she was 5'9 and I was 5'2. I never thought I was overweight. I didn't think anything of my clothing size increasing every year because, hey, it always had growing up...except I wasn't growing any taller.
My freshman and sophomore years of college were very difficult. There were a lot of changes that I didn't adapt well to: moving into the dorms, being surrounded by unhealthy eating, and parents going through a divorce. I was put on an anti-depressant, eating fast-food regularly, started a birth control that made me blow up, and walking a block to class was my form of exercise. My parents drove me to crazytown and I started having panic attacks. Then the unintended weight loss began.
In the Spring of 2004, I read that caffeine can increase anxiety, so in an attempt to minimize it, I gave up soda and coffee completely. And I wasn't drinking skinny lattes or diet cokes - more like full-sugar cokes and frappuccinos on the regular. This was an immediate 10 pound weight loss.
In the same year, I took myself off anti-depressants. It was my mom's idea that I needed them and since I was all about rebelling against her in college, I said screw it. I also made the switch from the depo-provera shot to BC pills. There went another 10-15 pounds.
The last unintentional part of the weight loss journey was moving out of the dorms. I'm not even kidding when I say that my first bf (Hi Chris!) and I ate out almost every day that we were together. Big decisions for us meant Chinese food or Burger King. I was a pretty gross eater too - I ate just as much as he did and even dipped my french fries in mayo...When I moved out of the dorms I started cooking for myself and I rarely went out to eat. Bam went another 10 pounds.
I was excited about the weight loss, and started exercising to lose another 10 pounds...but not to get fit - to get skinnier. I was working out a lot and gave up a lot of foods: soda, coffee, juice, pork, red meat, fried food. Those foods became fear foods, and anything labeled fat-free, low-calorie, low-carb or lower-sugar was safe to me. For a short while I became slightly obsessive about what I ate to the point where I was no longer enjoying myself. I never got to a point where I was dangerously skinny, but looking back I realize that I was too thin (for me) and too deprived. That to me meant unhappy and unhealthy.
My previous post on finding a balance was such a huge step for me in that I sometimes still have a hard time eating those "fear foods" and being okay with it. Judging from the responses I received on that post, I felt it was safe to discuss my past and show that I'm not just some skinny girl who's able to chow down burgers whenever I want. I have now learned to eat what I want because I do it in moderation with exercise.
My previous post on finding a balance was such a huge step for me in that I sometimes still have a hard time eating those "fear foods" and being okay with it. Judging from the responses I received on that post, I felt it was safe to discuss my past and show that I'm not just some skinny girl who's able to chow down burgers whenever I want. I have now learned to eat what I want because I do it in moderation with exercise.
And now I'm all about the baby muscles. To me, skinny no longer represents happy or healthy. Regular exercise, being comfortable with what you eat, and maintaining that balance = happy and healthy. I started training with Julius this year and have learned to love the muscles. I was so petrified that I'd "bulk up" before but I realized it's not going to happen. Just the other day, Katie started her muscle movement. She has written two posts featuring several bloggers (including me!) who are proud of their new muscles. Katie has had quite the journey herself and I am so proud of how far she's come. I think it's so important that we focus on being healthy and happy and encourage each other to embrace those baby muscles and continue our exercising!
Muscles are the best. They make you better-defined, fierce, and you don't have to ask boys for help with opening pickle jars. Everyone should get some! Plus, muscles usually require exercising in the man-zone of the gym....yes, please.
So, what stage in healthy living are you in? Have you lost some weight or gained some muscle? Found a new exercise you love or completed your first race? My current goal is to be able to do a pull-up. One pull-up. I can't do it without jumping and I want to be able to just do it. Julius told me that the average woman can't do one, but I'm on a mission now!!
***My weight loss is not typical was due to several factors. Please do not use the amounts lost per each factor as a guide to your own weight loss. Remember that every body is unique and bodies react differently to each of the factors that contributed to my weight loss. :)
